


Memorial Wall

by AerisSerris



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Thane Krios/Shepard, Past Thane Krios/Shepard, after the Citadel Coup, mentions of Thane Krios and Ashley Williams, written at 4 AM bc I refuse to go to bed at a normal time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 14:59:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15439632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AerisSerris/pseuds/AerisSerris
Summary: Everyone has their breaking point, even Commander Shepard. Luckily, one of her crew has a pretty good idea of where she's gone, and what she needs.Cortez/Female Shepard friendship, mentioned Thane/Shepard romance





	Memorial Wall

He had never seen her like this before. In fact, he wondered if anyone ever had.

 

Steve Cortez watched a few feet away as the great Commander Na’ima Esmeralda Shepard hunched over the counter by the memorial wall, looking like an absolute mess. Her short black hair was tied back in a small ponytail (a stub, really, considering the length), her normal N7 hoodie wrapped around her waist.  From this angle, it looked as though she held something in her hands, but he couldn’t be sure.

 

Shepard hadn’t left her room for the two days since Cerberus’s attack on the Citadel, but that morning she had left the room with a smile and cheer that was almost…  _ sharp. _ Her happiness had stung the crew, left them reeling, and it wasn’t until Steve talked to Garrus that he understood why she had secluded herself.

 

She had lost her Thane. He had lost his Robert. And suddenly, he understood her all too well, painfully well.

 

Shepard had brushed off everyone’s concerns as she made her normal rounds that day, before making a quick stop back to her quarters and then leaving the ship to enter the Citadel again. Liara and Garrus had both tried to stop her at separate points to speak with her, and Major Alenko had tried to talk as well, but she had ignored them each time.

 

Steve wasn’t sure that he should be here right now. Wouldn’t she rather talk to Liara or Garrus about this? It wasn’t like she  _ asked _ him to help her. But it had seemed like a good idea when Vega had asked him where she had gone, and here he was.

 

He was startled out of his reminiscing when he saw Shepard’s shoulders shake, and he walked forward without a second thought.

 

She startled when he placed a hand on her shoulder, and looked up from a datapad in her hands. A sun visor was blocking her eyes - perhaps at an attempt to conceal this from any paparazzi - but Steve could clearly see the tears falling from underneath.

 

“St-Steve?” Shepard said softly, reaching a finger up to wipe one of her tears away. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing, but…” He trailed off, looking at the datapad in her hands. Shepard’s attention went back to it as well, her thumb tracing over the letters on there.

 

“It… it doesn’t feel real yet,” She admitted, her hand shaking. “It’s like a dream. A nightmare. Both? No, a nightmare.” She sighed, then took a breath. “I was here. Just a week ago. The day before we flew back to Tuchanka and cured the Genophage. I… I saw him in the hospital, and I kissed him all over his face, told him I’d visit him again soon. He laughed, called me his ‘Silly Siha’... told me he loved me.”

 

Steve didn’t say anything when Shepard trailed off, the commander taking a deep breath and stretching her fingers. “I… I need to say goodbye to him now. Because I need to be Commander Shepard right now, the galaxy needs me. This letter…” She trailed off again, and Steve took the opportunity to extend his arm across her shoulders and pull her close. “He wrote this, to be sent to me after he died. Well, he’s dead. And I read it. Why can’t I just set it down and walk away?” She asked, a touch of frustration lacing the grief in her voice.

 

“If I may, Shepard… have you ever lost anyone close to you before?” Steve asked hesitantly. He considered Na’ima a friend, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. (Though, he supposed, he probably already had when he confided in her about Robert.)

 

She pursed her lips and hesitated before replying. “I… yes. Her name was Ashley Williams.”

 

“The same one listed on the crew deck?” Steve asked, earning a nod.

 

“She was part of our crew in the hunt for Saren, until Virmire. Ash was an amazing woman.” A small smile made its way on her face. “Fiery, passionate. Never afraid to speak her mind. Bold, but loving. She always let you know where you stood. I never realized it at the time, but looking back on it, I don’t think she liked herself very much. I don’t think she ever felt like she was good enough for the Alliance.” Shepard sighed again. “I wish that I could’ve saved her.”

 

“She sounds like she was a lot like you, Shepard.” Steve offered, making the smile on her face grow wider.

 

“Heh. You’re right about that. I mean, I was never into poetry, but we had a lot in common. Comparing our snipes. She and I had started praying together, when I told her that I was kind of new to the religion thing and didn’t really know what to do. It was nice.” The smile vanished, then. “And I never got the chance to tell her how much it meant to me.”

 

“Were you able to just set the letter down when she died, Shepard?” Steve asked, trying to sound as kind as he could while still trying to make a point. At the very least, he saw that he had her attention. “I know how it must sound, coming from me. I wasn’t able to move on. And I think you were right, that I needed to let go and take care of myself.”

 

“You did. You’re doing better.” Shepard affirmed, looking back down at the datapad. At least he thought she was, it was a little hard to tell under the sun visor. “And that’s what I want to do, too. To move on. To go back to being Commander Shepard.”

 

Steve shook his head. “You’re right when you say it’s not healthy to linger like I was, but Na’ima, it’s also not healthy to shove your grief aside.” He said, removing his arm from her shoulders and placing his hand on her own. “He meant a lot to you. You loved him. Don’t act like you have to shove it all aside to save the galaxy.”

 

Her hand was shaking underneath his. “Steve…”

 

“Hold onto this for a while, Na’ima.” He said, turning to her. “Don’t try to pretend you don’t feel anything, because that’ll just make you feel worse. Grieve. Then remember the good times you had. Remember he cared.” The last sentence got a small smile from her again.

 

“Where did you hear that one from, I wonder?”

 

Steve smiled in turn. “I heard it from a very passionate commander once, who helped me with my own grief.” She chuckled a little at that. “You’re not alone. If you need…  _ when _ you need someone to talk to, my door’s always open to you. And when you’re really ready to set the datapad down, I’ll be right there with you if you want me to be.”

 

“I know I will.” Shepard replied, before pulling him into a hug without warning. “Thank you, Steve.”

 

“Anytime, Shepard. Anytime.”

 

On the battlefield, Na’ima Shepard was invincible. On the shuttle, in her grief, she was just as vulnerable as the rest of them. And Steve would do everything in his power to protect his friend when he could. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sun visor = sunglasses, but cooler bc they're in SPACE. and they're ~FUTURISTIC~
> 
> Always thought that the Steve/Shepard bromance was a sweet one. You don't know him (or Traynor) as long as you know the rest of the Normandy crew, but the impact you make is a huge one for such a short amount of time. All my Sheps have a soft spot for the guy. And tbh, I think Steve (and Kasumi) would be the best ones to comfort a Thanemancer Shep.
> 
> Advice welcome, my writing skills are a bit rusty. I'm sure I'll want to rewrite this at some point.


End file.
